I’m a woman who’s been at my job for 14 years now, and slowly made my way up to third-in-command. Our firm was bought out by an elderly gentleman who gave it to his 28-year-old daughter as a birthday present. So now everyone’s jobs depend on the whims of this girl who has no idea how our business is run. She is very tempermental and has already fired a dozen employees that have been with us for 5 years or more, because she didn’t like the way they looked at her in her skin-tight leather miniskirt, or because she wanted their job for one of her friends, or they blanched at her idea to spend $80,000 to replace all the florescent lighting in the building because it makes her “look pale”. Hell, why not?
So everyone has been kissing ass, but no one quite as heartily as sexist asshole “Mick”, who’s been at the firm for a whopping 15 months but assures Miss Boss that he’s got “15 years of real-world leadership experience, really” (one year more than me, you see). Because he’s wanted my office ever since he was hired, and this is his only chance.
Of COURSE he deserves an office, for his part-time job where he does nothing but copy numbers, but offices are only for management. He thinks he can get an office if he gets someone fired, and so campaigned Miss Boss to fire me, the only female manager - telling her that I’m lazy, that I can’t lead a team, etc. She thinks he’s “sexy”, and so has listened with awe to his ramblings.
Meanwhile whenever she’s gone, Mick smirks at me and brags about how he’s going to have my office any day now. I ignored him at first, but then I had a better idea. “Why go for my office? It’s one of the smallest. Doesn’t have a window. I would think you’d need something bigger… if you’re going to be the new vice-president.”
Hmm, well he WAS just thinking of being a manager like me, but yeah why not be a vice-president? The current vice-president is another sexist a**hole, who hired Mick and who sheltered him whenever I would complain about his bullshit and backstabbing behavior. And while Mick is just making up sh*t about me, he actually knows some real dirt on the Veep. Hell, why not?
Vice-President gets the word that Mick is gunning for his job. Mick has been blabbing about all the “conferences” that Veep takes which are really just vacations on the company dime. The look on Veep’s face… I tried to warn you, dumbass.
I also helpfully remind Mick of my faults, like that I never leave the office on time and I’m always interrupting people at meetings and I sleep at my desk, which is covered in papers. He agrees those are all terrible things and so he dutifully reports them all to Miss Boss.
Yesterday Miss Boss made the announcement that Veep has been asked to retire. Word around the watercooler is, that Mick is in deep shit too because he not only blabbed to Miss Boss about Veep, but to our competitors, which made the company look bad. She is PISSED. Plus… Mick didn’t just ask for Veep’s office. Bigger is better, right? He asked for the entire conference room to be made his office. He even drew a blueprint of how it could be redesigned, with its own bathroom and sitting area - even bigger than Miss Boss’s office. Rumor has it Miss Boss laughed at him and then said, “Are you fucking serious? You’re fucking having delusions of grandeur, kid”. He’s lost all credibility and is back typing numbers at his cubicle.
And of course now Miss Boss needs a new Vice-President. She told me she’s heard that I work long hours (I never leave the office on time) and that I constantly have new ideas (I’m always interrupting people at meetings) and that I don’t quit until a project is done (I sleep at my desk) and that I needed a bigger office - she pointed to my desk, which is again covered in paperwork. She asked me if I’d take Veep’s old office… and job. Hell, why not?
This is beautiful. Pure game of thrones level manipulation. Character development. Ends with girl on girl support. Juicy revenge on two sexist assholes. Ends with a happy ending for everyone except the assholes.