I live in a very nice condominium complex in a pretty decently sized city in the South. I managed to buy a unit at the ripe age of 23, after making a pretty penny in the stock market - making me easily the youngest person in the complex.
The units are one building with 4 condos per unit, each is two stories with a balcony for each bedroom and for the downstairs area. Not very important, but I want to paint a mental picture here.
The outside of my condo, when it comes to lawn space, is VERY small. I’m talking like a patch of grass no larger than most individual blocks of sidewalk.
About a couple of months ago, this woman moved in a few units over with a large boxer. Having two large dogs myself, I was happy to see more big dogs in the area (most the people around here have little foofy dogs).
One day, I walked outside to see a large pile of dog shit and this lady hastily walking away. I called out kindly - “excuse me ma'am, please clean up after your dog”. She looked back, gave me a sour look, and continued walking away.
Okay, whatever, no big deal. I’ll give her a freebie this time so I cleaned up after her and threw it away trying to be a good neighbor.
I want to mention now that I’ve REALLY tried to go above and beyond the neighborly call of duty - as I said earlier, in the youngest here and I want to make it clear to my neighbors that I’m not just some spoiled little bastard that is going to make their lives hell. I sweep my older neighbors porches, swap recipes and have even babysat one of their grandchildren. I do my best to be a good neighbor, it’s just how I was raised.
However, this lady hit a sore spot. I let the first one slide, but this happened FIVE MORE TIMES IN THE SAME WEEK. Finally I confronted her and said “ma'am, I’m sick of cleaning your dogs shit and stepping around it every day. Please clean it up.”
I shit you not, and I wish I was exaggerating. She looked me right in the eye and said “I paid for a condo too, I’ll leave my shit wherever I want”. She then briskly walked off while I stood in shock.
Finally, I snapped. So I began to save every piece of shit that dumb bitch left in front of my house for around two straight months. I had a HEFTY GARBAGE BAG FULL OF IT (imagine what you use to clean leaves up in, it was that big). I won’t lie, I threw quite a bit of my own dog’s excrement in there for good measure. I mean come on, just her dog wasn’t going to cover the amount needed. That bag was F*CKING. HEAVY.
(where I stored it: Great question actually. All the condo units have individual cellars for storage. I stored it down there until I was ready to make my move. I probably should have mentioned that so you all wouldn’t think I’m some psycho dog-shit hoarder who has a closet full of feces.)
Yes, it smelled like shit every time I opened the damn door to add to the pile. It took an immense amount of patience and gagging to pull this off - but it was well worth it.
I waited until 4 am on Monday morning before I walked up to her condo and dumped that bag right on her small tiny condo lawn. It was worth every second of patience.
Sure enough, come 7 am there’s a bang on my door - and it’s my lovely neighbor.
“You need to come f*cking clean this shit up RIGHT NOW!” - she screamed in my face.
I smiled “sorry ma'am, I paid for a condo here too. I’ll leave my shit wherever I want.”
In short - Lady kept leaving dog poop on my lawn, so I saved it all and dumped about 2 months worth on hers.
updated:
THIS IS THE FUNNIEST THING I’VE READ IN WEEKS. CLICK THE KEEP READING. JUST DO IT
