Abigail Spencer


There are certain jokes a red carpet blogger should consider retiring, but then we see a dress like this and say, “How can we NOT make a Barbie joke here?” If this wasn’t so shapeless, it’d be kind of cute.


Alice Eve


The dress is standard and we’re hating the color choices: sherbet orange, black, and silly putty-colored. Also: hair’s a mess.


Dita Von Teese in Jean Paul Gaultier


Oooooh, sweetie. We think you finally found the dress that’s too complicated for even you to pull off.


Gwen Stefani in Carven


Awful look from top to bottom. The dress is too complicated for its own good (a theme for the night, apparently), throwing off her body shape. Then you have the focus-pulling and totally inappropriate blue shoes and the knot top balanced on her head, and the whole look becomes clumsy and just plain weird.


Jaime King in Oscar de la Renta


Sleek and chic. A black velvet gown isn’t the most original dress in the world, but she’s werqing the hell out of it.


Kirsten Dunst in Rodarte


We want to put her in a big floppy hat and hear her say “I’ll just die if I don’t get that recipe!”


Lisa Edelstein in Romona Keveza


Shiny, wrinkly, and standard.


Michelle Stafford


Deathly allergic to colors, apparently (and probably a bit underdressed).


Minnie Driver in Douglas Hannant


The shape of the dress is pretty standard, but that print is gorgeous.


Nicole Richie in Julien Macdonald


Looks like a pink, ruffly fossil. Like the archaeological remains of My Pretty Pony or something.


Rosanna Arquette in Jean Paul Gaultier


That shaft of purple glowing light emanating from your lady region really makes this alien dress work, Rosanna! And by “work” we mean “look vulgar!” Also, your shoes are HORRIFYINGLY BAD.


Rose McGowan in Hervé L. Leroux


Great color; standard dress. She looks good, though.